Aspie Girl

  • Seminarverwaltung Support
  • 17.01.2020
  • living with autism

How being an Aspie-Girl is different from being Asperger 

When Asperger was brought to my attention of might being true for me I looked it up online but not much of it fit 

I could maybe relate to one or two of the traits but the description didn’t fit me at all there even was a “checking list” of symptoms and again I hit only one or two 

I almost ruled it out but there was a little note that said that traits and symptoms are very different between male and female so I thought it couldn’t hurt to check the female “version” of the spectrum 

I can’t even put it into words how it felt to read it so I have to paraphrase : growing up and learning to get along in this world felt like learning a strange language I always knew it wasn’t mine - nobody understood me and it was hard effort to understand what people were “saying”

so when I read about Asperger in women it felt like for the first time I found my mother-language, like finally someone wrote things like I feel/ think/ see them and understood

It was also the first time I realized I am not the only alien on this planet - that I am not alone and that was a great comfort 

Most women with Asperger get misdiagnosed with AD(H)S or being bipolar if they are lucky like me with Asperger very late or sadly not at all

And this is because they still work with the male aspects of it while considering a diagnose - but I wouldn’t say one is worse than the other they are just really different how they affect someone’s life 

I think the hardest is that being anti social and lacking of communication skills is more excused for man than for a woman but on the other hand women can hide their traits better and are more likely considered just shy and awkward instead of “weird” 

Since I am pretty outgoing that didn’t fit me and I’ve been called weird all the time .. I always thought that I can’t connect to other girls is because I grew up with my two brothers and still today I have to admit I don’t get the girly stuff 

I always thought of me just being more musculine but it was and is my lack of social skills what makes it hard to relate to it 

If I had girlfriends they were almost always like me but I liked guys more the way they talked - no smalltalk - made me be able to connect 

But friendships between man and women have their downside most guys weren’t quite satisfied with just being friends 

I did copy girls even though I didn’t quite like that I had to I (later than everybody) started wearing make up, I do my nails and yes sometimes I even wear skirts but it always feels like putting on a mask and trying to blend in 

The sensory issue alone makes it hard but it also doesn’t feel like “me” If I could choose I would wear my loose sweat pants everywhere I always have my favorite outfits that I wear almost everyday until it’s something else for weeks in a row 

To act feminine is a pretty hard role to play for me -

I remember working on the damsel in distress in one acting class it felt so extreme alien to me because I always like to be seen as the tough one 

But of course I have a sensitive side I am vulnerable like everyone it just has nothing to do with being a girl but with being human 

So maybe I can’t relate to girls but I can to aspie girls because I am one of them ;)